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Serious Lulz



Top Seven Actors Who Can’t Act

Posted on April 07, 2009
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (6 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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7. Tom Cruise

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Besides being a raging scientologist, Tom Cruise has grossed his movies over $1 billion dollars worldwide in his 20-years plus in the movie business. Now you may ask, “Why has he been so successful if he can’t really act?” The answer is that Tom Cruise picks good screenplays. Watch any Cruise film and you will never say: “Hey! That’ a great character Tom Cruise played!” You will only (at most) exclaim “Hey Tom Cruise! What a douchebag.”

6: Ethan Hawke

Ethan Hawke is arguably a “movie star”, but you probably can’t name a movie he’s been in other than Gattaca or the one movie with Denzel Washington (Training Day). Both fine movies, but he plays the same version of himself in nearly all his movies – a standard white dude who has some problem. Who cares? I’m a white dude and I don’t even care.

5. Ben Affleck

It is shocking that Ben Affleck co-wrote Good Will Hunting with Boston bud Matt Damon since in his movies he looks to have the intelligence quota of a grapefruit. Thankfully, audiences discovered this during the early 2000s and every movie he’s stared in since Jersey Girl has bombed terribly. However, on further analysis, Affleck seems to be pulling a two-sided farce — the Occidental College grad has helmed the director’s chair for the well-recieved Gone, Baby, Gone and helped pen the aforementioned Good Will Hunting yet shows a dopey face to the public eye — he may be more intelligent than we here at Serious Lulz first suspected.

4. 50 Cent

50 cent stared in a movie about himself, yet he still appeared unbelievable. ‘Nuff said.

3. Dane Cook

Dane Cook has tried to parlay his comedic success (though any comedy-fan will thoroughly disown his skills) into a string terrible romantic comedies. He needs to go away.

2. Keanu Reeves

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From Bill and Ted to Speed and The Matrix, Keanu Reeves has displayed stunning acting chops as he disappears into his classic roles. His acting skillz will be remembered for generations!

OK, done lulzing? This guy has the same confused face in every movie he’s ever been in. He needs to stop trying to think so hard.

2. Matthew McConaughey

Matthew McConaughey (or Matthew McCon-a-GAY, emphasis on GAY,  as the more mature refer to him) is famous for working out on the beach and having a goofy southern drawl. We admit, he was perfect for Dazed and Confused, but every other movie he’s stared in he looks like he just got out a tanning session and is just churning out a scene before he goes biking with Lance.

1. Nicolas Cage

47C70252-F330-4B44-8AA6-1A906FABAAD0.jpgAh, Nicolas Cage. Great actor, or greatest actor? It’s hard to deny such cinematic feats as Next, Knowing, National Treasure 2, and of course who could forget, Bangkok Dangerous. That being said, Nic Cage could do his job half sleeping, hungover, and with no preparation or memorization. That’s how cool he is.

Plus his hair looks like a hawk.

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Comments

  1. Vote -1 Vote +1Ross
    says:

    What happened to 3, 4, & 5?

  2. Vote -1 Vote +1Ross
    says:

    OK, now the range goes to 7, so none are missing. Did you read my comment already?

  3. Tom Cruise CAN act. See Magnolia. Stop trying to reduce the world to black and white. Everything is grey.

  4. Tom Cruise CAN act. See Magnolia. Stop trying to reduce the world to black and white. Everything is grey.

  5. Vote -1 Vote +1aliciamae
    says:

    reddit killed their server lol

  6. Vote -1 Vote +1mikal
    says:

    Where’s Vanessa hudgens? she can’t act, her films are total garbage

  7. Vote -1 Vote +1Hrsuppa
    says:

    Hi, possibly this entry may be off topic but anyways, I have read some of your other posts too and they are great. Keep up the great work! Look forward to reading more from you in the future.

  8. Vote -1 Vote +1admin
    says:

    Just noticed this mistake.. coincidental timing! Thanks though Ross!

  9. Vote -1 Vote +1Keianh
    says:

    See the problem with your argument there is he wasn’t the main focus of Magnolia, sort of. A Lot of the Movies he stars in he only plays one type of character: the guy with some sort of flaw and as the plot progresses he overcomes whatever that flaw for that particular movie and redeems himself and is reborn as a new person. So I’m guessing he’s just not that great of a leading actor, but if you put him into a supporting role or in the case of Magnolia, one of many leading roles in an ensemble cast, then you see his talent.

  10. Vote -1 Vote +1aliciamae
    says:

    he was pretty funny in Tropic Thunder, again, not a lead role (thus supporting your point!)



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