“How to Reinvent Yourself like John Travolta”

Known to the industry as the “Magic Chameleon”, John Travolta has revolutionized and set the bar as Hollywood’s “golden boy”. In his career lasting over 30 years, he has reinvented himself constantly as he lay forth a string of hit movies. In the 1970s, he became the poster boy of 70s youth, with his charming strut which made the ladies swoon and dudes want to perm their hair. With his smooth moves and boyish good looks, Saturday Night Fever became the biggest grossing movie of 1979.

His Early Years

With a box office hit under his belt, Travolta became Hollywood’s go-to song and dance man. In 1981 he starred as Danny in the unforgettable musical, Grease. He was lauded for his superb acting chops as he lost himself in the role.
Travolta then did something many actors attempt but few succeed; he tried his hand at becoming a successful singer-songwriter. He wrote some faggy songs with his acoustic guitar and made a platinum record. Around this time Hollywood insiders started calling him “Magic Chameleon”, a term which he insists on being called today by his friends and family.

Mid-Life Crisis

Around this time, Travolta was attracted to Scientology, a religion that claims alien spirits live inside us, and they were banished there by an evil God, who was part robot.
Travolta then became best friends with Tom Cruise, another excellent actor. The two spent ten years reaching Thetan level XI, which supposedly lets them create orange juice out of thin air. Travolta was the more dedicated of the two, so he didn’t really work and achieved the promotion within Scientology, but Tom Cruise liked making movies so he still cannot create orange juice to this day. He cries about this bi-weekly.

Current Affairs

So once John leveled up, he decided to go back to making some sweet ass movies. He teamed up with Quentin Tarantino and Sam Jackson for Pulp Fiction, which gave him complete indie-cred. Then in another magnificent “re-invention”, John teamed up with legendary actor Nic Cage for FACE / OFF which totally kicked ass as an action film. Wanting to get other people to worship robots and be able to pop lock some OJ, Travolta wrote, starred, produced, and directed Battlefield Earth. While the title may sound cool, the movie stunk like shit and is regarded by many as the worst movie of all time. Johnny boy did this on purpose. He told me in a fire-side chat,

“Negative Press is still good press. After I did that movie, Scientology profits-erm..[coughs]- membership rocketed up three-hundred percent.”

He lit a cigarette.

“That’s over 4 billion euros.”

Travolta then giggled and asked his male butler for more champagne.

So after Travolta reinvented himself for the 9th time, he decided to do some kid movies and bit pieces like in that one with High School Musical Guy. His latest movie is Pelham 123 which is in theaters Friday. He plays a terrorist.

*No actual research was done for this article. Most ‘facts’ were made up. All quotes fictitious. For entertainment only.