“Being without you would be like being withouta forehead. I would still do stuff, but I would definately feellike something was missing.” – Twitter user

Imagine if one day the world stops spinning and the unfathomable happens: Twitter dies. Twitterers quit tweeting. Shaq’s shout-outs to Oprah cease to exist (“ur caps r on, btw.”) Ashton Kutcher cannot let his million + followers know that he just spilled a cappuccino on Demi Moore’s vageeen. Would the world really care?

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I feel bad for the mouse…

“How to Reinvent Yourself like John Travolta”

Known to the industry as the “Magic Chameleon”, John Travolta has revolutionized and set the bar as Hollywood’s “golden boy”. In his career lasting over 30 years, he has reinvented himself constantly as he lay forth a string of hit movies. In the 1970s, he became the poster boy of 70s youth, with his charming strut which made the ladies swoon and dudes want to perm their hair. With his smooth moves and boyish good looks, Saturday Night Fever became the biggest grossing movie of 1979.

His Early Years

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7. Tom Cruise

Besides being a raging scientologist, Tom Cruise has grossed his movies over $1 billion dollars worldwide in his 20-years plus in the movie business. Now you may ask, “Why has he been so successful if he can’t really act?” The answer is that Tom Cruise picks good screenplays. Watch any Cruise film and you will never say: “Hey! That’ a great character Tom Cruise played!” You will only (at most) exclaim “Hey Tom Cruise! What a douchebag.”

6: Ethan Hawke

Ethan Hawke is arguably a “movie star”, but you probably can’t name a movie he’s been in other than Gattaca or the one movie with Denzel Washington (Training Day). Both fine movies, but he plays the same version of himself in nearly all his movies – a standard white dude who has some problem. Who cares? I’m a white dude and I don’t even care.

5. Ben Affleck

It is shocking that Ben Affleck co-wrote Good Will Hunting with Boston bud Matt Damon since in his movies he looks to have the intelligence quota of a grapefruit. Thankfully, audiences discovered this during the early 2000s and every movie he’s stared in since Jersey Girl has bombed terribly. However, on further analysis, Affleck seems to be pulling a two-sided farce — the Occidental College grad has helmed the director’s chair for the well-recieved Gone, Baby, Gone and helped pen the aforementioned Good Will Hunting yet shows a dopey face to the public eye — he may be more intelligent than we here at Serious Lulz first suspected.

4. 50 Cent

50 cent stared in a movie about himself, yet he still appeared unbelievable. ‘Nuff said.

3. Dane Cook

Dane Cook has tried to parlay his comedic success (though any comedy-fan will thoroughly disown his skills) into a string terrible romantic comedies. He needs to go away.

2. Keanu Reeves

From Bill and Ted to Speed and The Matrix, Keanu Reeves has displayed stunning acting chops as he disappears into his classic roles. His acting skillz will be remembered for generations!

OK, done lulzing? This guy has the same confused face in every movie he’s ever been in. He needs to stop trying to think so hard.

2. Matthew McConaughey

Matthew McConaughey (or Matthew McCon-a-GAY, emphasis on GAY,  as the more mature refer to him) is famous for working out on the beach and having a goofy southern drawl. We admit, he was perfect for Dazed and Confused, but every other movie he’s stared in he looks like he just got out a tanning session and is just churning out a scene before he goes biking with Lance.

1. Nicolas Cage

Ah, Nicolas Cage. Great actor, or greatest actor? It’s hard to deny such cinematic feats as Next, Knowing, National Treasure 2, and of course who could forget, Bangkok Dangerous. That being said, Nic Cage could do his job half sleeping, hungover, and with no preparation or memorization. That’s how cool he is.

Plus his hair looks like a hawk.